Tuesday, September 15, 2009

5 Worst Superhero Costumes of All Time

One of the defining traits of any self-respecting superhero would be their iconic and usually cool costumes. These are the superheroes that didn't get that memo.

Daredevil

To all of us, Daredevil is known for he's striking crimson costume. But when he first appeared he actually looked like this...


You know how I know you're gay?

Never has a superhero costume color palette this painful on the eyes. You know who else wears that color marriage from hell?

And I believe he eats children.

At least Matt Murdock has an excuse for wearing that thing, he IS blind, guys. How the hell was he suppose to know?

Wolverine

"Whaat?! Why is the coolest short tempered and, um, short hairy Canadian mutant who was voted No.1 comicbook character in Wizard magazine here?", you must have asked yourself, but remember that the original origin tale for Wolverine was that he was an actual teenage wolverine animal.

Like this, but with a raging hormone and probably emo.

Good thing they scratched that idea, man, can you imagine what the world would be like if they didn't? Chaos would have reigned in the world. Well, they may have dumped that stupid origin story but Wolverine wasn't out of the woods yet. They stilled screwed up his costume on his debut on The Incredible Hulk #180.


Whiske- I mean, Wolverine is here!

This is about 95% of Wolverine's costume we all know and love today. Except for one itsy bitsy thing, he has whiskers here. Yeah, Wolverine has whiskers on he's first appearance. They still took the whole "Wolverine" thing a bit literal. Although I think anyone who called him "Whiskers" ended up seeing their guts on the floor. Fortunately, Wolverine bounced back from his fashion mistake and went on to carve his name on the annals of comicbook history. Literally.

Luke Cage A.K.A. Powerman

Can you say "typical stereotype black dude from the 70's"? Marvel, not wanting to be called a racist for having an all white superhero line up scrambled for a piece of paper and pencil and drew one of the first African-American superhero. Note that those people who drew Luke Cage were white geeky guys in the 70's so you can't fault them for making him into the sterero-typical token black guy. They probably just took some cues on popular media portrayals that they're big muscle bound guys, wears tight unbuttoned shirt, tight pants, a metal headband and since he has a headband already, color his clothes like he's on one of those disco rave. African-Americans do love going to disco, right? 
 
You know what? Add a metal chain as his belt for good measure.

And if that wasn't enough he was actually "Luke Cage: Hero for Hire". Yep, he was basically a black bodyguard superhero. Ah, there we go! A token superhero black guy in Marvel is born.

Wonder Man

What the hell Marvel? Were your artist color blind back in the day? Jeez, it's like you guys are just putting together random colors together and hope that you'll get a jackpot. You know what? I think back in the early days Marvel had this slot machine that gives them their idea for coloring their superheroes because I don't know how else to explain these costumes. For every Spiderman costume you probably get a couple of these...


Look at that. He's so proud of his costume. What a twat.

Why did he chose green though? Was he bombarded with Gamma rays? I don't think so. And if there's anything comicbooks has taught us, if you're bombarded with Gamma rays you'll have green skin, your body would be ripped like hell and there's a high chance you'll act like a big spoiled baby on Toys R Us. Wonder Man is just a big poser. You suck, poser!

The Red Tornado

Now if there's something Daredevil's first costume has taught us, it's that a red and yellow combination is an awful sin to do in coming up with a superhero costume. Apparently, Red Tornado didn't learn from Daredevil's mistake and decided to stick with his garish costume to this day. 

Another reason why superheroes need a fashion consultant.

Batman

Yeah, you read that right. Batman. As in THE BATMAN, The Caped Crusader, The Dark Knight, The World's Greatest Detective and the most badass comicbook character of all time had one of the most absolutely worst costumes of all time. It didn't have the iconic pointy ears or the gray and black color, no folks, it was an abomination. I'm not even kidding with that, you have no idea how bad it was. Do you want to see it? Are you sure? Okaay, I've warned you though. I now present to you, BATMAN!

You are now scarred for life.

What? Where's Batman? Is he behind of what looks like Drew Carey in a Robin costume? No people, THAT is Batman as Bob Kane first envisioned him. Could you imagine Christian Bale in that costume trading blows with Heath Ledger's Joker? You'll probably get confused as to who's the actual clown. God, now I'll have nightmares for days. Thankfully, our savior, Bill Finger was given the task of smoothing out Batman's ragged, spiked, covered in molten lava and sulfuric acid edges and gave us the paranoid sociopath we all know and love today. Thanks Bill. We owe you.

 
Oh thank God for Bill Finger.
Bob Kane may have created Batman but it was the unsung hero, Bill Finger, that shaped one of the most iconic character in comics today to what he is now.

Special Mention:

Aquaman

Aquaman trying to get attention.

Can you think of any problem the likes of Superman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter and Green Latern woudn't be able to handle but a guy that can talk to fish can? Yeah, me neither. Aquaman is like the benchwarmer of the JLA. The guy that just sits in the background and cheer his team mates on. And he's costume is bright orange and green, you know what fish comes first to my mind when you say orange?


More reliable than Aquaman. Fact.

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